I really liked the last line of this article:
Some may even find that “plan B” was simply a way of making His “plan A” a reality.
His, meaning God's.
This summer has been a little rough for me. I've had some great experiences, some very fun times, and made some very great friends, but I couldn't escape the stress lurking in the background, or foreground for that matter. My thesis.
Every other summer of my marriage I have diligently moved for three months to a brand new place that I have never been before - Houston, Philadelphia, and now Dallas and Austin - and all while my husband's internships brought us to those places. I was always very excited that he had a great job, hence the move, but I was always stressed about having to find my own summer job.
In Houston I hit the ground hard placing my resume at every single place I could think of looking for a job, and I finally got a call back. One call back. But it was the one I wanted so that was great. And I made some lovely friends who I think of often. And it was the first summer of being married to my very best friend, so it was wonderful just for that. Despite becoming an urban huntress of cockroaches. And listening to them squeak in the walls (or the kitchen) before falling asleep. And having rank smoke and fried food smell seep through the walls from our neighbors. Nice people, lousy smells. Ha, we didn't even realize how bad the smoke was until we left and unpacked our clothes - they all smelled like smoke. Gross.
In Philadelphia, I had two potential jobs and I picked the one that was closer to our house so that it would be easier to share our car. I walked to this job most of the time. And I really liked it at the beginning. And then I kind of hated it by the end. Mostly because I had just graduated in the top 1% of my class and I worked at a deli. But as this blog is called, "Pages of Payne and Pizza," I must say that the food there was absolutely FABULOUS. And I could eat it for free while I was working. Philly Cheese Steak goodness HEAVEN. This summer was also grand because I only worked M-F so Tanner and I took the weekends to do fabulous things like see Wicked in New York
The lights from the 3RD ROW made it a little difficult to get a clear picture for some reason. But it was awesome. We also went to DC
Cape May, the Jersey shore, Longwood Gardens, and a bazillion other awesome places while we were in Philly.
But this summer - while being AWESOME - especially in Dallas where for some reason I just loved everything, has been trickier because after my summa cum deli experience, I was loathe to find another summer job. And I had to miss my second semester of graduate school to go with Tanner to his internships, so actually, I was loathe to find two three-month-only jobs.
So I didn't.
Instead, I said, "I am going to work on my thesis." And I did - sort of. Actually I worked on it a lot, but there was a lot of waiting involved. I wanted to do some classroom observations to empiricallify my article, but that involves IRB approval, school approvals, and so much more than just reading and thinking. So I prepped those type of applications and got denied. Boo. So I revised those type of applications and got approved! Yay! But then I hit a major brick wall in Austin because the class that I was all set up to observe didn't end up having enough kids sign up to take it. So they canceled it. So my thesis died.
R.I.P. Thesis.
Then the devastation set it. I contacted another school site in desperation but they were "too busy" to participate in my study. Good luck, anyway.
So then I started to feel like the people in the article I referenced at the beginning. (The full version of the article, "When Good Plans Don't Work Out" can be found by clicking http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/07/when-good-plans-dont-work-out?lang=eng)
Things were just not going right. And I wasn't working officially so I had a lot of time on my hands to just think about how much I was failing at life. "Would you like a little epic with that fail?" And there were a few other things I failed at during this time, in addition to the big thesis fail.
But then I turned to God. I started reading my scriptures a little more diligently. I started praying a little more earnestly. And I basically turned it all over to Him and said, "You are a lot smarter than me, and I am really going to need some inspiration with my project because I tried doing it alone and it died. Please help me." And I also decided to read my scriptures and pray right before I started reading and thinking about what I was going to do for my thesis now.
And then the clarity came. I just realized that, actually, I can still run with my original idea minus my classroom observations. I realized that, actually, I have a really good argument. And I realized, actually, I can do this. I can do this! With God's help.
And now I'm doing it. And it's coming along great. And I think that my Plan D really is a reworking of God's Plan A. Because I'm closer to Him. And I'm really excited about my project again. And I know that it's going to work out. Thanks to Him.
